Podcast: The Power of Service
Date: 02/17/2009 | Time: 08:48 | Size: 8.3 MB
NCFY staff member Eman Quotah talks to a young woman about surviving acquaintance rape at age 17, and how to get help after sexual assault or rape.
MS. EMAN QUOTAH: [music] Welcome to the Positive Youth Development Podcast Series by the Family and Youth Services Bureau within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The series is produced by the National Clearinghouse on Families and Youth.
I’m Eman Quotah, a writer/editor with the clearinghouse. Every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted. Nearly half of victims are under age 18. Even when sexual assault happens just once, its effects are long lasting. Victims may suffer from years of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some turn to alcohol. Some even contemplate suicide.
Recently, we spoke to Alphia, a young woman raped at age 17 as a first year college student. It happened one Friday evening when she visited a friend’s dorm room to watch a movie.
ALPHIA: I wasn’t quite sure what had just happened. I had to convince myself I wanted this. Or then again maybe I didn’t. Was I raped? I’m not really sure. The entire weekend, I felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing. I remembered from freshman orientation that the campus had victim services. I went over to their place, spoke with an advocate. And as I was saying everything out loud, I realized that I was raped.
I didn’t leave my apartment for about a month. If I ran out of groceries, I just ordered in. I was sitting at home watching TV all day and trying to fall asleep when I really couldn’t. I started binge drinking. I started being highly promiscuous. I began to basically self-destruct.
At the end of the summer semester, I swallowed all the pills that were in my room, anything from aspirin, sleeping pills, depression medication. They rushed me to the hospital. I had taken so much they really didn’t think that I was going to make it. The nurse came in. She said, well, it seems like your toxin levels are back to normal. And that’s when I knew, okay. I am supposed to live. I do have a purpose. Now it’s just to figure out what that purpose is.
When you go to see a victim advocate, be prepared to be open. Victim services should be ... it should be a safe place. It should be a place where everything is kept confidential. And it should be a place of support. And if you feel as though it doesn’t meet those needs, by all means find another victim advocate. Them or your friends or family are going to set the trend for how your healing is.
Take it one day at a time. And that’s going to seem hard. And when it does, take it one moment at a time. Surround yourself with loving, caring supportive people. Don’t try to take control on your own. You’re going to need support. And if you feel the people that are surrounding you aren’t doing that, then by all means find some people who will. Most importantly, it is never your fault.
It’s just helped to connect with people one-on-one. And they could kind of mentor you through everything that they had already gone through with hearings and nightmares and, you know, the feelings, the days where you feel like you’re hopeless, that this has beat you. It’s good to have that person around to say, “You can get through this. I’m not talking from, you know, from reading a book or a degree. But I’m telling you this because I’ve been through it. And you can beat this.”
If someone has opened up to you that they have been raped or molested or whatever the case maybe, don’t tell them what to do. Don’t tell them you shoulda, woulda, coulda. You just completely ruined any chance of them trusting you at all. Don’t tell them, okay, “You have to go to sleep. You have to do this.” Just sit there, listen. Let them know that you’re there for them.
If you don’t know what to say, you don’t know how you should react, just say that. One of the biggest things that would annoy me was people constantly asking me if I was okay. When you would ask me if I was okay, all of a sudden everything would flood back. If the person is having a bad day, you’ll know. If the person is having a good day, you should know. Do not try to act like you’re the hero or saving the day. You know, let them know their options. Or help them find someplace where they can go to get help.
I know what I would have liked. Like for my parents, for instance, to do the research, read books if you need to. I know with one of my friend who had gone through the same thing, their husband made counseling sessions for themselves. I understand you get angry. You want help and you don’t know how. You get frustrated. You want to hurt the person that hurt your loved one. And you need someplace to vent.
I used to say if I could go back and do anything to change it, I would have not told anyone anything. Because then I’d still be in school. But now I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s helped me build character. It’s given me more compassion for others for having gone through all that pain and all that hurt to come to where I am now. It’s allowed me to see people differently. And it’s just set me on a completely different course in life that I’m very happy with. [music]
MS. EMAN QUOTAH: Alphia says her new purpose is to go into ministry and mission. Working overseas to promote social justice for women and children. If you’ve experienced acquaintance violence or rape or if you think you might be in an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE. Or the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE. Or go to the online hotline, online.rainn.org. Finally, we’d like to thank the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network for helping us to put together this podcast. [music]
(END OF TRANSCRIPT)
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