Supporting Your Adolescent: Tips For Parents

When Your Adolescent Needs Help

All youth need daily support and guidance. But some young people whose adolescence is marked by more serious struggles may require help from outside the family. Many people believe that family matters should be kept private. Seeking help, however, simply means that you are drawing on every community resource that you can to support your child.

It is never too late to reach out for help. But early intervention with young people who are troubled is crucial to reducing the damage that problems, or the resulting acting-out behavior, might cause. Watch for these signs that your child might need help in dealing with the difficulties of adolescence:

• Large amounts of time spent alone and isolation from family and friends
• Sudden changes in school performance
• Drastic mood swings or changes in behavior
• Changes in your child’s peer group or separation from longtime friends
• Lack of interest in hobbies or social and recreational activities

Keep in mind that these signs do not always mean that your adolescent is in trouble. Some changes in friendships, for example, are normal as young people mature and find new interests. Changes in the family situation, such as moving to a new town, also can affect adolescent behavior as they deal with leaving friends and joining a new school.

Also, all young people are different. An introverted youth, for example, may enjoy spending time alone reading. On the other hand, an extroverted young person may have trouble focusing on school in the less structured academic situations of most middle or junior high schools. Parents usually can best assess how their children are doing on the basis of experience. Yet during adolescence, youth often stop sharing as much information with their parents as they did at younger ages.

The first step for parents in dealing with concerns about their adolescents, therefore, is to improve or reopen the lines of communication. Simply talking with adolescents, without focusing on immediate concerns, gives young people the chance to share their struggles or provide reassurance that they are comfortable and doing well.

If problems appear to persist and your child seems reluctant or unable to discuss them with you, try talking with him or her in a nonconfrontational manner about the changes that you notice. Express your concern for your child’s well-being and your interest in helping in any way possible. But be prepared for a defensive reaction, and listen and ask questions. Be willing to help your adolescent talk through problems, rather than immediately giving solutions.

If your efforts to talk with your child do not appear to be working, you might get an outside perspective from a close and trusted friend or relative. You also can seek support and guidance on dealing with your teen through other community resources:

• Health care professionals, guidance counselors, teachers, or the principal at your child’s school
• Your local government, which may offer service to families through a range of social service agencies. (You can find the telephone numbers for local government agencies in your phone book. Look for agencies with the following key words:  youth, families, mental health, social services, human services, or crisis intervention. Many local governments also have an Information and Referral line that you can call for help in finding the right services.)
• Your local chapter of the United Way, which typically funds social service programs in communities
• Community organizations that offer services to young people and their families (look in the Yellow Pages under “Youth Organizations” or “Youth Centers”).
• The social work or social service department of a local hospital, especially a children’s hospital
• The employee assistance program at your workplace
• Parent support groups or parenting education classes that address parenting issues or specific issues such as adolescent drug use

• Independent counselors and psychologists in your area (look in the Yellow Pages under “Psychologists” or “Therapists”).

In addition, a good way to help your adolescent through troubled times is to focus on yourself. By improving your ability to cope with the effects of your adolescent’s changing behavior, you make it more likely that you will be able to help your child. Seeking help for yourself also shifts the focus away from your adolescent, who may feel exposed and vulnerable under the sudden scrutiny of a range of outsiders. By looking for help for yourself, you are modeling good coping skills and learning new tools for dealing with stress. Perhaps most important, you are reassuring your adolescent that the family works through its difficult times without blaming any family member.

Making the Most of Available Resources >>